Both Sides Now

by Traci Hubbard

Last week, I was driving through a rural area when a chicken began to cross the road. I smiled at the chicken and began to recite the classic joke in my head..."Why did the chicken cross the road??"

Then I thought, "this is a boring joke...it's not funny. 'To get to the other side?' What a weak punchline and it is constantly quoted. Who wrote this joke and why do people remember it?" I began shaking my head when I realized that there IS an actual joke in there, I’ve never appreciated.

I wondered if it was a joke about a chicken being hit by a car to get to "the other side", as in, THE Other Side?

Then I asked myself, "Is this joke about chicken self awareness and suicide? Is it about a dumb chicken capable of considering the afterlife and ending his own to seek it?"And then I wondered if I was making everything up or has this been the joke the whole time? For the joke’s sake, and now, in this moment, for the sake of my credibility, I hope the double entandra was the intention.

If you’ve lived long enough, and I see a few seasoned veterans out there, you know life doesn’t come at you from just one angle. It’s not all sunshine and answered prayers. Sometimes it’s storms and silence. Sometimes it’s joy so full you think your heart might burst, and other times it’s grief so heavy you’re not sure you’ll make it through the day. Faith doesn’t deny either side. It teaches us how to see from both.

Paul writes in his letter to the church in Philippi,  “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain

.”I don’t know about you, but I don’t think this verse is something to write in a greeting card. And I don’t think it is something any of us want to cross stitch on a pillow unless we want our guests to become worried about our mental health.

I believe what Paul is saying to the pettiness infiltrating the young church is look at what I have been through, all that I have suffered you whiney babies, and compare that, and the me I used to be, to who I am now…“I’ve seen both sides.” And guess what I discovered about the meaning of all of it…the meaning for my life? It is Christ, and Christ alone…my purpose and my mission. And death…what if I am killed for living into my purpose? Well, that’s gain...that is ultimate peace…and will be a sweet fulfillment of my mission. “To live is Christ, to die is gain.” The word “live” in the Greek is “zoe” which means the essence of life is Christ.  Paul lives a surrendered life, embodied by his love for Christ, and is at peace that whatever happens to him, good things or horrific things, either way, he belongs to the Divine.

But here’s the thing, Paul didn’t arrive at his perspective on a beach sipping something with an umbrella in it. He reached his perspective through his Trivago stays in prison cells, through countless beatings, painful rejection, and shattering loss.

Paul extrapolates further in his letter sharing that everything he once counted as gain, he now counts as loss compared to knowing Christ. He’s not pretending the loss didn’t hurt or continues to hurt.  He is sharing that he discovered purpose in his experiences and it transformed him. In his letter to the church in Galatia, he gets even more vulnerable, more personal when he shares, “I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.”

Paul’s words are not a poetic exaggeration. His words declare a personal surrender to all that has been and all that may be. The unmatched teacher, philosopher, and murderer of Christians was literally spiritually slain by the love of the Spirit and became someone who can see and understand the meaning of both sides of his life and how his journey led him to his chosen purpose.

When we are willing to surrender to what is, what we have become, to the consequences of not only our choices, but also the choices of others that have affected our lives, we are opened to discover a pattern of purpose through our pain. We can see a clear and insightful pattern for this, by looking at the lives of Joseph and Jesus. Joseph is betrayed by his brothers, thrown into a pit, sold into slavery, falsely accused, and forgotten in prison. Joseph wasn’t experiencing a “best life now” situation. Jesus was undermined and betrayed by someone on his inner circle ministry team, then his closet friend he called his “Rock” denied knowing him, and during all that deep personal pain, he was mocked by the same people who threw him a parade when he entered Jerusalem, and the icing on his pain was being beaten, raped, and crucified by skilled Roman soldiers. These are very different stories, however, the share the same pattern of rejection before redemption, suffering before salvation, living in the pit before the palace, and enduring a cross before experiencing resurrection. Joseph’s pain is the necessary surgery that transformed his heart that empowered him to say to his brothers, “What you meant for evil, God meant for good.” Jesus embodies this same truth on a cosmic scale.

Now here is where we need to be careful in our perception. The meaning of these stories is not saying suffering is good. The meaning is that the love of the Holy refuses to waste it in our lives. In fact, when we discover the gifts that exist for us during our darkest experiences, our suffering, our wounds, become the path to our healing, and then our platform for ministry. There is a difference between choosing to live in our suffering, which always causes more suffering, and choosing to live out of it and because of it into our healing and then our offerings of our gifts. We have a choice. We can believe that our past has shipwrecked us and nothing will change, or we can believe to choose to see that we can transform our wounds into sails for our journey.

I am going to take a slight theological detour into the sacred text of modern television via Ted Lasso.

If you haven’t watched the Ted Lasso show, Ted is an American football coach who lived in Wichita, Kansas and he is hired to coach an English Soccer Team in Richmond, London, which already informs us that things are not going to unfold smoothly.

Ted lives from a heart of humility that empowers him to be quietly, but powerfully, discerning. He creates and tapes up a simple sign in the locker room that says, “Believe.” He wants his players to have faith in their skills, faith in their team mates, and faith in the coaching team. The sign is not saying, “Win every game” or “Be perfect.”

All it says is “Believe.” Season 4 is coming out this summer and I am very excited. The story that unfolded in the first three seasons is the team struggles, they fight with one another, they lose, and they fall apart. And in one moment of frustration, they rip the “Believe” sign to pieces. What we don’t find out until the last episode in season three is that each team member kept a piece of the sign and never told one another.

The messaging of the show reflects real life. We begin relationships with belief, then life happens, and suddenly we’re holding torn pieces of hope thinking, “Well… that didn’t turn out like I had hoped.” But in season three, lean in - this is the good part, the players come back together, and each player brings out his piece of the sign, and together, they tape it back, not perfectly, not seamlessly, but together, not as stars of the team, but as softened and stronger hearts who have discovered meaning in their losses and finally become a team.

Folks, this is the gospel, the good news. The Lover of our souls is not a Goalkeeper, she is a heart keeper who doesn’t wait for our lives to be neatly framed, skilled, and fully intact. The Spirit works with our torn pieces.

Paul’s life? Torn pieces. Joseph’s life? Torn pieces. Jesus’ life? Torn pieces, The disciples after the crucifixion? Absolutely shredded. And yet purpose emerges from the pattern, not in spite of the brokenness, but through its shredded seams.

So, what does it mean for us to see life from both sides? It means we can say, “This hurts”… and the “Spirit is still working.”  We can say, “I’ve lost something”… but “I’m not lost.”  We can say, “I don’t understand this season”… but “I have faith there’s purpose in it.” It means we stop asking, “Why is this happening to me?” and begin asking, “How might loving Mystery work through this?”

Please hear me. I am not saying this is an easy shift to make. Our lives are never a one-sermon, one podcast, one book, one experience, fix. Becoming clear around what matters the most and clear in the meaning we create from our suffering, our new clarity, our new vision creates space for becoming humble to the point where we live with intention to embody the ways of Jesus. This is a lifelong practice, not a one experience fix.

Paul says, “I press on”, not “I have arrived or figured it all out.” He writes, “I press on.” Folks, faith isn’t about having all the answers. Faith is about staying connected to The Spirit so we can be discerning in choosing our direction.

If life were a movie, most of us would fire the writer or human director halfway through. “Excuse me, Mr. Spielberg, this plot is confusing, the character development is painful, and frankly, I don’t appreciate the surprise twists.” We need to have faith in the heart of the Sacred who is eternally committed to long stories.

Joseph didn’t know he was in a redemption boat, he thought he was in a disastrous storm. Paul didn’t know his prison letters would inspire millions. I imagine he probably just wanted better food, clean water, and a warm blanket when he was in prison. And you, and me, we might be in a chapter that feels like everything is falling apart. But believe, choose to live in faith in the One who sees our entire story.

So, here is our invitation today. We are invited to hold both sides, while not denying our pain or dismissing our struggles. How do we do this? By refusing to lose sight of our purpose born in the womb of our wounds. As we leave this time today, may we pick up our piece of the “Faith” sign, even if it’s crumpled. And may we trust that in Christ, as Paul says, our lives are no longer defined by what we’ve lost, but by all we have gained because of the Spirit of LOVE who exists in us. Because when Christ lives in you, and in me, even suffering can carry purpose, even loss can lead to life, and having a view from both sides now, even torn pieces can become something whole again. May it be so, amen.