Time to See the I Doctor

I am going to begin this reflection with a confession: I went to see my therapist to talk about my ego. The session went very well. I am very much better than all of you today.  Not really, but I bet we have all met a few people who would say something like this.

One Sunday when Anne Lamott was teaching her Sunday School Children’s class, she asked the question, “What’s the difference between God and me?” A child it their hand up and said, “God never thinks he’s me.”

The ego is clever and sneaky. It doesn’t usually show up wearing a church name tag that says “Hello, I’m Pride” or “Hello, I’m Greed” and especially not, “Hello, I’m Lust”. Imagine the Holy Spirit being the church greeter and we are wearing our name tags, but she stills asks us to show her our real, in that moment, ID of who we are. Sometimes, the Spirit is a Bouncer refusing to let us into our party of one, of ourselves. You know who I am, I’m Traci, the minister of Lake Country United Church.

And the Spirit replies, “Not what I asked. I asked who you are. Do you know who you really are and why you are you? I’m not asking for a role, a title, or for a resume. I am asking who are you and why are you here? I know why you are here, do you know”?

Our ego’s show up sounding reasonable. It says things like, “I’m just being honest” or “Someone has to say it” or “They started it” or “I’ve earned this” or “My role in this relationship, or in my position, demands I address this now.” Sometimes our roles call for us to have difficult conversations that are necessary for spiritual growth and relationship healing. We need wisdom to discern our intention, before we realize it, sometimes we’re not defending truth, we’re defending ourselves. Folks, we cannot address or begin to manage what we cannot see.

A pastor once shared a story about an argument he had with his spouse over something very spiritual. The dishwasher. He loaded it correctly. She loaded it incorrectly. Naturally, this was a matter of deep moral importance. He explained. She disagreed.He explained again, this time using diagrams and a more dramatic tone. At some point, mid-sentence, he realized something uncomfortable, he said, “I would rather win this argument than love this person.” That moment, right there, that’s ego. Not loud arrogance. Just quiet self-importance.

David, the writer of Psalm 8 asks us to take a reality check when he writes, “What is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them?”

David looks at the vastness of creation, the moon, the stars, the work of God’s fingers, and suddenly his ego becomes very small. Psalm 8 does not hope to humiliate us. Its intention is to reposition us. We are not the center of the universe like we were in our families when we were born, when we were children. This being true, as we grow up and spiritually mature, hopefully learn to understand that we are deeply valued by the One who is the center of the universe.

And here we discover the healthy tension of non-dual thinking. We are guided by the Spirit to stay small enough to live with humility while knowing we are loved enough to stay secure in who we are as spiritual beings having a human experience. Our unhealthy “I Centered Ego” grows when we forget either one of these truths.

Our mouths are excellent at giving us away. Eleanor Geen was courageous, gracious, and loving enough to help me go to my sacred “I” doctor, Jehovah Rapha, the God who heals. Eleanor came to talk with me about something I said from a place of wisdom and of love. She did not try to control the outcome, however, our conversation ushered in a paradigm shift in my attention to my intention for every word I speak. Thank you, Eleanor.

Proverbs 12:14–18 talks to us about our words, especially our sharp ones we may not realize we are using. “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Eleanor’s relationship with her healthy ego, stemming from her relationship with the Spirit, opened my eyes to see and understand what I did not know. Here’s the thing about ego-driven speech, it feels right, even powerful, in the moment, but it leaves casualties. It hurts others, it cuts them, instead of encouraging them. And it hurts us, it stains our credibility, because it changes how others want to be with us and listen to us.

Have you ever said something and then immediately think, “Mmmmm…that landed differently, harder than I meant”? That’s how clever and sneaky our egos can be, using our mouth before wisdom checks in on our thoughts. Proverbs 8 reminds us, our words reveal what is controlling us, and eventually, they come back to haunt us, taunt us, bind us in shame. Ego whispers, “Say it so they know you’re right.” Wisdom says, “Say it so healing can happen.”

So, what’s the answer? How can we know when we are living out of an ego centered in “I”…”Me”? What’s the antidote?  Paul gets vulnerably strong and painfully practical when he writes to the church in Philippi saying, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain (empty) conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” This verse sounds beautiful until we try to embody it, because humility doesn’t mean thinking less of ourselves. It means thinking of ourselves less. The consciousness of Christ isn’t asking us to erase our identity, our personalities, who we uniquely are. The Spirit asking us to take ourselves out of the center.

Ego asks us, “How does this affect me?” and “Do I look good?” and “Am I getting the credit I deserve?”

Humility asks us, “How does this affect everyone?” and “Who needs to be lifted?” and “What does love require here?”

Have you ever felt tired for no obvious reason? Sometimes it’s the heaviness of an unhealthy ego that we do not realize we are carrying. Here’s a secret no one tells us, an “I” centered ego is exhausting. Why? Because it is constantly working to prove itself, defend itself, compare itself, or protect itself

Humility is a spiritual blanket that wraps around us and through us allowing us to confidently rest. How? Because when we know, intimately know and connect with the Spirit, we remember and therefore, relax in, our worth being secure in the Divine. When we rest in the blanket of humility, we don’t need to win every argument, or have the last word, or be the smartest person in the room. We are free to listen, to learn, and to let things go. We can be Teflon, and let things slide off us, instead of being Velcro, where everything sticks to us.

Let’s land this reflection airplane. Maybe our prayer today isn’t, “Lord, make me humble.” Oh! That’s dangerous. Prayer just like, Lord, make me patient.”

Maybe our prayer needs to be, “Lord, help me notice when my ego is at the wheel.”

“Please remind me to pause before I speak.”

“Please help me value my relationships, and all people, over being right.”

Psalm 8 reminds us of who the Holder of our lives and souls is. Proverbs 12 reminds us to watch, guard, be mindful of our words. And Philippians 2 shows us the way of Jesus is down, not up. As Michelle Obama says, “When they go low, we go high.”

A woman who lived next door to a preacher was puzzled by his personality change. At home he was shy, quiet and retiring, but in the church, he was a loud on fire speaker, rousing the masses in the name of the Holy. It was as if he were two different people. One day she asked him about the dramatic transformation that came over him when he preached. “Ah,” he said, “That’s my altar ego.”

Folks, we can get over ourselves without losing ourselves. The beautiful irony is this, when we go to our Spiritual “I” doctor and get our ego planks removed, when we get over ourselves, we finally make room to become the people the Holy created us to be. We finally begin walking in the ways of Jesus. Then, we are free to choose how we journey with ourselves, the Spirit, and others. Imagine walking in the Light of Christ – Walking in Sonshine…oh don’t it feel good! May it be so, amen.